Move Over Maury, Social Media Is Here To Determine That These People Are Lying

humor | Rick Lax & Friends | 7/23/18

Long gone are the days where the internet was an innocent and beautiful thing. We’re more than 25 years into the age of the world wide web, and all we’ve learned is that the Dark Web is scary and that people love to lie on social media. At first, you just had to be scared of a catfish on, but now there’s a liar at every turn.

Some people just flex way too hard for no reason, while others still haven’t learned that photoshop never works out. These people are just big fat liars that social media detectives caught red-handed.

Make Sure You Turn Off Your Snapchat Location

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Photo credit: Shinigami661 / Imgur

The first photo is actually believable. Too bad his younger sibling was inside watching him get tangled up in a web of lies. This guy was obviously trying to impress some Snapchat ladies, but what happens when someone calls you out on it?

What if they want to meet up on the beach? Or someone checks your location? Congrats, you played yourself.

Must Be Hard To Write Notes With No Pencil

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Photo credit: @Coach_Meadows24 / Twitter

Student-athletes are all about the grind, but one kid doesn’t want to grind too hard. He’ll break a sweat on the field, but don’t expect him to break a pencil copying notes.

The real problem is that his coach posted this on social media and didn’t even care that one of his athletes was completely faking it.

My Entire Anti-Social Life Has Been A Lie

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Photo credit: lilmax / Imgur

All these years I’ve been frantically pressing the “close door” button on the elevator whenever I see someone approaching, and it turns out it’s been a lie. This button fell off on this elevator to prove it’s connected to nothing.

The girl coming up has proven to me that everything I know about Instagram has just been a game of angles and lighting.

At Least She Admitted To It

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Photo credit: Instagram

This web of lies isn’t hard to untangle if you have any female friends that try too hard on social media. Every friend group has one, and they’ll share all the secrets to getting the most likes on Instagram.

This girl couldn’t dare post a photo without a perfectly manicured nail. Do it for the ‘gram.

No, You Can’t Love Both Cats And Dogs Equally

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Photo credit: lovelittlelilacs / Reddit

What’s the truth, ma’am? Are you a cat lady, or a dog lady? Because unless that’s a puma casually sitting in your passenger seat, we need to have a conversation.

People will say they love both cats and dogs equally, but they’re lying. Only one animal can win out, so don’t get a dog if you’ve already committed to a personalized license plate.

Angles. Are. Everything.

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Photo credit: @gucciheroin / Twitter

Photos like this prove that Instagram models sit on a throne of lies. And they can get away with it because they simply know how to work their angles. Does this mean the Fit Tea that I spent $100 on won’t work?

The girl coming up is flexing hard with her new car, but the key in her hand determines that is a lie.

Who Is Patrick With The Good Hair?

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Photo credit: uhLuke_ / Reddit

This is a rookie mistake. Everyone knows that women are the FBI of social media. If you’re going to take a selfie when you’re out cheating, it needs to be airtight.

But let’s not be quick to judge. Maybe his co-worker Patrick is just doubling down on the salon-grade shampoo to get the luscious locks shown in his sunglasses reflection.

When Your Shadow Doesn’t Have Your Back Or Your Butt

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Photo credit: Reddit

What’s worse? Getting played by your reflection, or your shadow? This girl must be off to Neverland because her shadow is playing tricks on us all.

We already learned that angles are everything. Next time, face forward and throw that hip out to the side and there’s no way for anyone to question if you’ve been doing your squats.

Porsche Has No Substitute, Except For Das Auto

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Photo credit: @senoviaa_ / Twitter

I doubt this girl could even afford the insurance payments for a Porsche. Why is she lying? There’s no reason to be ashamed of your 2006 fuel-efficient Volkswagon Jetta. That four-door sedan is a respectable car that will get you from point A to point B.

Corporations already have a hard enough time getting their customers to trust them, and the photo coming up doesn’t help anything.

Who Has Fingers This Greasy Though?

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Photo credit: themlgduck / Reddit

I appreciate the effort that someone put in to call out this ‘smudge-proof’ mini fridge, but it seems like they maybe tried too hard. Only a three-year-old who just ate a fried chicken dinner would have fingers this dirty.

Whoever called out this fridge for lying, I’m calling you out for lying too.

As Per Usual, Amazon Played Us All

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Photo credit: Instagram

There are a million examples of Amazon playing us all like a fiddle, but this has to be one of the worst ones out there. Who knew you could even use angles on a stuffed animal to trick people? Instagram models should take notes.

Shoutout to the customer who had to suffer to save us all from buying this bear.

They Need To Rebrand ASAP

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Photo credit: fiveandcounting / Reddit

The fact of the matter is that people want to get what they paid for. If I’m hiring Two Men And A Truck, and they roll up with three men, how am I supposed to feel like my money was well-spent? Are two men not strong enough to handle it on their own? Corporations need to gain people’s trust, and this is not how you do it.

Lying is one of the times where ‘go big or go home’ really doesn’t apply. If you’re going to lie, don’t make it as unbelievable as the kid coming up.

85 Isn’t A Bad Score Until You Lie About It

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Photo credit: AntiHer0z / Reddit

Statistics have shown that 68% of Americans will score between 85 and 114 on an IQ test, which is average. Charley here had nothing to be ashamed of until she flat-out lied about her score.

Anyone who’s spent a minute on Facebook knows that those quizzes always post to your news feed. Maybe she actually deserved a lower score.

You’re A Sucker If You Fall For This

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Photo credit: NapkinTheBatDad / Reddit

No one buys a plain white lollipop. No one is buying it because it’s tasty, because it probably tastes like a bad virgin piña colada. They only bought it because they thought it had a cute panda face on it.

Good job by the marketing person behind this wrapper, but if you’re going to blatantly lie, at least make the lollipop a good flavor like blue raspberry.

Plot Twist: Their Father Is Paul Allen

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Photo credit: rephan / Reddit

Does anyone even remember Paul Allen? Exactly. If you’re going to try to flex on the X-Box gamer chat, you should at least try to make the lie believable. Everyone knows Bill Gates owns Microsoft, but everyone forgets about the original co-founder who left the company and kept his shares.

I’ll admit that gaining the courage to ask a celebrity for a photo is hard, but the girl coming up tried to play it cool and it backfired.

That’s A Great First Date Story At Least

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Photo credit: @kennedymayes_ / Twitter

On the flip side, social media can be a place where you can tell the truth after holding onto a secret forever. This girl’s elaborate lie to her family, friends, and doctors because she watched a Hannah Montana episode is something I’d take to the grave.

But if she feels like cleansing her conscious on social media, we’re here for it, because it makes for a great story.

This Feels Like The Start Of A Grimm Fairytale

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Photo credit: @YouHadOneJ0b / Twitter

Why do I feel like this bag of sugar-free sugar is the start of a horrible fairytale adventure? This seems like something witches — or vegans — would use to trick you into their house.

You think you’re going in for sweets and then suddenly you’re surrounded by gluten-free, bone-char free, vegan lemon tarts.

A Great Caption And An Even Better Comment

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Photo credit: Imgur

It’s not easy to think of the perfect Instagram caption. I applaud this girl’s smart and sassy caption, but the comment calling her out is way better.

This same thing happened to a friend of mine who met Shania Twain. He fangirled too hard and his coworker had to ask Shania for the picture. But at least he owned up to it instead of lying to the entire Internet.

Don’t Lie And Drive

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Photo credit: Imgur

When are people just going to start admitting to spending hours taking selfies in cars? It’s like car selfies, and bathroom selfies, suddenly became taboo. But realistically, they’re the two best places for good lighting.

Don’t be ashamed to take that car selfie. Flaunt that seat belt. Just don’t lie about what you’re really doing.

True Friends Lie On Social Media Together

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Photo credit: @noodlegurl101 / Twitter

If you don’t have a friend by your side ready to lay it all on the line and lie to your mom for you, then you’re missing out.

Hopefully, this is one of those moms who doesn’t have a clue how social media works, or else these girls can expect the chànclà.