Proof That Kids, Not Cats, Are Slowly Plotting To Take Over The World

humor | Rick Lax & Friends | 7/24/18

If you think that kids are cute and innocent, then you’re in for a harsh awakening. Anyone who has had a kid knows deep down that there’s something a little off about kids. They may seem sweet, but all children have a secret evil agenda, and adults have no idea what to do about it.

It’s hard to believe, but it’s true. It might not be obvious at first, but every once in a while a child slips up and shows the world their true selves. One kid even admitted that he was going to sacrifice someone in the woods. Reality check: every kid around you is plotting your demise so they can take over the world, and here are the receipts to prove .

This Girl Is Testing The Lord’s Patience

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Photo credit: OctopussSevenTwo / Imgur

It would be creepy enough to draw a picture of Satan at any time, but this little girl really went the extra mile by doing it in the middle of a church service. She’s not even trying to hide her true feelings.

Hopefully, she’s not done that drawing and is going to add The Lord swooping in to save us all.

Feeling Blessed My Child Hasn’t Decided To Kill Me Yet

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Photo credit: Reddit

Receiving a Valentine’s card like this is a small reminder that you’re only alive because your child has decided to spare you. It’s quite clear that Michelle could have taken a shot at her parents at any time.

These parents are lucky she hasn’t learned to cook chicken nuggets by herself yet, or else they’d be gone.

Is This Part Of The Serial Killer Triad?

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Photo credit: Batcole / Imgur

Bed wetting, killing animals, and a love of fire are the traditional three things that can indicate someone’s a serial killer. I strongly believe that cutting the faces off your dolls and putting them on other ones should be added to the list. If this isn’t a red flag, I don’t know what is.

If you thought artificial intelligence was the biggest threat, think again. Keep reading to see how, for once, Alexa is helping out humans.

They’re Already Brainstorming New Killing Machines

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Photo credit: @cryduchat / Instagram

Society is pushing STEM careers for the next generation, and we need to stop doing that immediately. Just look at what this child has already created. Imagine if they go on to get an engineering degree and can bring this killing machine to life?

Unless we can convince an entire generation to flip burgers for life, we’re in big trouble.

That’s One Step Too Far

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Photo credit: @VictorPopeJr / Twitter

This is a power move if I’ve ever seen one. Some people might not think this is that big of a deal, but this child opening every banana is actually a move to become the household’s alpha.

Some animals fight to the death to become the alpha. Children find one thing to blindside you and use it relentlessly.

Alexa Is Doing Us A Solid

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Photo credit: DammitElam / Reddit

There’s been a lot in the news about Amazon’s Alexa doing some creepy stuff, but this message is a clear reminder that children are a greater threat than artificial intelligence. For once, Alexa is finally helping us out instead of just turning our lights on and off.

Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year, right? Wrong. It’s just a two week break that kids will use to their advantage.

The Purge: Anarchy Is Already Upon Us

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Photo credit: wombraider90 / Imgur

I blame whatever Hollywood producer greenlighted The Purge franchise for this. Kids used to be sweet and innocent, and now they’re encouraged to grab the nearest kitchen knife and wait on your doorstep.

Those bullet-proof steel window blinds don’t seem like such a bad idea right now.

Sacrifice The Kid Before He Gets You

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Photo credit: @MXTracy66 / Twitter

If we are going to live to see climate change engulf our coastal cities, we need to be one step ahead of the children. Yes, if a kid said this, it would be creepy, but it’s also a timely warning.

Now you know that your child is plotting a sacrifice, and you can keep your guard up.

All I Want For Christmas Is Your Soul

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Photo credit: animeflower12 / Reddit

Christmas brings out the best and worst in kids. Some of them take the whole “naughty and nice list” thing to heart. Others, like the kid on the left, know it’s all a scam. He’s using Christmas break as the time to figure out how to convince his brother to join him and overthrow their parents.

The photos coming up prove that there must be a lot of hate inside kids if they’re imagining things like blood running down eyes or ripping heads off.

A Steady Stream Of Blood Coming Out Of Her Eyes Is Normal, Right?

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Photo credit: @dazlicious / Instagram

I want to believe that this child only had red and black crayons and had to improvise their coloring. Maybe those are butterfly wings, and the girl was wearing eyeliner and has happy rainbows streaming out of her eyes.

Or it’s a visual representation of what this child sees when they look in the mirror.

Good Luck Washing Yourself Of The Demons

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Photo credit: be_mused / Reddit

If you thought you could just wash the evil off your child, congrats, you played yourself. They saw your plan and called out its stupidity right away. The “I Hate Dad” carved into the soap is just a subtle reminder of how they really feel.

It looks like only a full exorcism will do the trick.

Bath Time Is Not Fun Time

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Photo credit: SlightlyStable / Reddit

I wouldn’t be surprised if these bathtime toys belonged to the same kid who carved “I Hate Dad” into the bar of soap. This kid ripped off their dolls heads and stuck them into pill bottles like they’re a science project display. Anyone who does that must have a lot of hate inside them.

Keep reading to see how kids aren’t afraid to turn on each other if it means getting one step closer to taking over the world.

An Advanced Torture Mechanism

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Photo credit: @lbaker537 / Instagram

I’ll admit that the knife strapped to a toy car was scary. But a playlist with 241 copies of the Alvin and the Chipmunks cover of “Born This Way” is psychological torture.

The mom who stumbled onto this playlist has no idea that she’s in for 11 hours and 12 minutes of pain and suffering.

The Weak Ones Will Be Weeded Out First

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Photo credit: SavetheUnicornssss / Reddit

The scariest thing about children rising up is that no one is safe. It’s clear from this photo that they are ready and willing to sacrifice one of their own for the greater good.

It might just be about Pokémon cards today, but who knows what it can turn into in the future.

The Strongest Will Turn On Eachother

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Photo credit: lala989 / Reddit

One mom found her daughter’s list on what will happen when her older brother Ethan is gone. If Ethan mysteriously disappears, make sure to hide the hammer. It makes sense to weed out the weak, but world domination is a big enough goal to tear brothers and sisters apart.

The note coming up proves just how elaborate kids will get in their plan for world domination, even if it means taking out one millennial at a time.

You’ve Foiled Their Escape Attempt

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Photo credit: bmac2234 / Reddit

Anyone born with eyebrows like this kid is destined to be evil. Just look at Gerald Samson from The Simpsons. He was Maggie’s arch nemesis and had a unibrow bolder than this kid’s.

It’s not a guarantee, but if your child has impressive eyebrows, make sure to be extra watchful.

Is Your Child Donnie Darko?

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Photo credit: @felicia_mua / Instagram

This kid either had a bad experience with the Easter bunny, or they’ve gotten their hands on the director’s cut of Donnie Darko. Fans of the film still don’t fully understand why a creepy bunny named Frank tells Donnie when the world will end.

This kid definitely knows and is keeping his end-of-the-world knowledge a secret.

Hey Now, It Could Be A Deadpool Face

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Photo credit: Imgur

If you’re the person doing the face painting, maybe ignore this kid’s request next time. I’m not sure why kids seem to be obsessed with Satan, but this face painter had different options.

Maybe refuse and do the butterfly. Or tell them it’s Satan, but paint the Deadpool face on them instead.

Kids Know Harry Potter Is The One True Weakness Of Millennials

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Photo credit: mailltiime / Reddit

If you don’t have the patience to read this very detailed note, it’s a child describing an elaborate plan to make an orphan believe they are going to Hogwarts and then the kid comes in to break it to them that magic isn’t real.

This kid knows that Harry Potter is the pressure point of an entire generation.

Glad To Hear That’s Plan A

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Photo credit: @naticas1120 / Twitter

People have killed for love, that’s nothing new. I’ve seen Dateline on NBC. But a five-year-old offering to kill someone for a woman he just met is way more terrifying. And it only took the kid a couple seconds to think up this dramatic plan.

Can you call the police on a five-year-old kid?