These People Literally Died Of Stupidity, And Now They Deserve A Darwin Award

humor | Rick Lax & Friends | 7/23/18

Charles Darwin had a theory that only the fittest among us survive to pass along our DNA. This is how species evolve to suit their environments. Some creatures just aren’t fit enough to run with the best of us.

The Darwin Awards were created in the spirit of Charles Darwin. They “honor” people who contributed to human evolution by removing themselves from our gene pool, either via death or sterilization. Frankly, we’re thankful that these people won’t be passing along their stupid, stupid genes. Keep reading to learn about a man who voluntarily walked into a tiger enclosure and a guy who thought it was a good idea to put a lit firecracker up his butt.

An Explosive Way To Go


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In February 2012, in North Carolina, 43-year-old Gary Allen Banning spotted a salsa jar full of what he thought was some kind of alcoholic beverage. He took a swig and quickly realized that the jar was, in fact, full of gasoline.

He spit the gasoline out all over his clothes and then decided to light a cigarette. You can probably guess what happened next. Gas + Flame = R.I.P Gary.

Dying For A Coke


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You know those signs that tell you not to tip vending machines? Those signs are there for a reason. Back in 1998, a Canadian man tried to shake a coke out of a 420-kilogram vending machine.

He died under the soda machine, asphyxiated, with a blood alcohol level just over the legal driving limit.

A Dangerous Game Of Hot Potato


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Cambodia has been through decades of war, and war doesn’t leave without a trace. The whole country is littered with unexploded mines and munitions.

Authorities have warned people to stay away from anything suspicious looking. Three friends were out drinking when one of the men pulled out an unexploded mine he found in his backyard. They started playing Russian roulette with it— taking shots and then stamping on the mine. Everyone else ran away in horror. Well, the device detonated, and all three men were blown to pieces.

Let Sleeping Bears Lie


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In Serbia in 2007, a 23-year-old man accidentally fed himself to some bears named Masha and Misha.

He had been drinking (no surprise) when he decided to take off all his clothes and enter the bear enclosure at a local zoo. His corpse was found inside the bear habitat surrounded by beer cans. The Zoo director said, “Only an idiot would jump into the bear cage.” Read on for a guy who thought he was more macho than literal snake venom.

The Worst Valentine’s Day Ever


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A couple was walking along the beautiful Havel river when they got into a heated argument. The man got frustrated and shoved his girlfriend into the icy water. Then he also jumped in the river so he could keep pushing her head under the water.

The thing is, she could swim, and he couldn’t. The woman was able to swim to the shore where she recovered from hypothermia. The guy wasn’t so lucky. He died from brain damage on February 14th. Serves him right for attempting to murder a person.

Man Drowns In Kitchen Sink


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In 2004 in Austria, a drunk man decided to try to get into his own apartment by climbing through the kitchen window. He got part way through and then got stuck with his head in the sink. While flailing around in an attempt to escape, he turned on the hot water tap.

When police found his body sticking out of the window, they weren’t sure why he didn’t try to turn off the tap, pull the plug out of the sink, or walk in through the front door. They found his house keys in his pocket.

“I’m A Man, I Can Handle It”


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A 38-year-old man in Pennsylvania was bitten by his friend’s venomous cobra back in 1997. The man refused to go to the hospital, telling his friend, “I’m a man, I can handle it.”

Well, apparently he couldn’t handle it. The two friends headed out to a bar. They had a few drinks and bragged about the cobra incident, all while the snake venom was slowly attacking the man’s nervous system. He died within a few hours.

A Honey Of A Buzz


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Here’s another story that involves someone being overly intoxicated… A man in Mexico had one too many drinks, and then he stumbled upon a beehive. Hoping to wash down all that beer with a bit of honey, he tried to take some from the hard-working insects.

The bees did what bees do best: they protected the hive. The man experienced anaphylactic shock from all of the bee stings. He died. Beer and bees are a lethal combination. Keep reading for a chicken who managed to drown six people in one go.

An Amateur Stuntman Takes A Tumble


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In Colorado in 2003, a 20-year-old man named Tyler decided to copy some of the stunts he’d seen in movies and jump out of a moving car. The first time he tried it, he suffered a pretty minor injury.

Then, a few weeks later, he decided to try it again, but this time with the car going even faster. He jumped out of a Subaru Legacy going 40 mph. He was killed instantly.

When Wales Wins, The Lad Wails


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A Welshman named Geoff told his mate, “If Wales wins, I’ll cut my balls off.” His friends thought he was joking, but when the Welsh rugby team won against England 11-9, Geoff castrated himself with a knife. Then he walked to a bar to show his friends the evidence.

Geoff survived, but luckily for the human race, he is now unable to pass on his subpar genes.

How One Chicken Caused Six People To Drown


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In 1995 in Egypt, six people drowned because one person tried to rescue a chicken that had fallen into a well.

An 18-year-old farmer was the first to go down into the 60-foot well. He drowned after an undercurrent in the water pulled him down. Then his sister and two brothers went into the well to help him, but they couldn’t swim, so they drowned too. Two elderly farmers came to help, but they were also caught in the undercurrent. The chicken survived.

Never Pet A Kitty That Isn’t Yours


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A 19-year-old factory worker in India decided to join a white tiger for lunch. He climbed over the fence that surrounded the tiger’s enclosure at a Delhi zoo.

He swam across the moat to “tiger island,” and then the tiger did exactly what you’d expect a hungry tiger to do. In some countries, the tiger would have been killed for his crime, but Indian officials decided that the tiger was just acting according to his nature.

A Rear End Explosion


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We’ve all been warned about the dangers of handling fireworks, but a 23-year-old man in Australia learned that the celebratory explosives can pose a threat to more than just your hands.

This genius put a lit firecracker between his buttocks, then he stumbled and fell on it. The guy survived to tell the tale, but his whole reproductive system is completely ruined. He won’t be passing along his genes any time soon.

The Worst Place To Do The Deed


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A couple in Brazil thought it would be a good idea to stop their car on the country’s busiest freeway so that they could “get busy.”

The stopped their car in the right-hand lane— not even on the shoulder of the road. It didn’t take long before a large cargo truck rammed into them, killing them both instantly.

The Second Worst Place To Do The Deed (Actually, They’re Both Equally Bad)


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In 2002 in England, a couple decided to have sex right on the street outside of a pub in Sheffield. Multiple people, in cars and on foot, saw the couple and told them to move out of the way.

An oncoming paramedic told them, “You want to get up, otherwise you’ll be run over.” The man just said, “Cheers, mate,” and continued… doing what he was doing. Then a bus driver mistook them for a garbage bag in the dark, hit them, and that was the end of that.

Stay Away From Pythons


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Zaim Kosnan spotted a huge, 12-foot python on the side of the road in Malaysia. He thought that the snake was probably worth some money, so he wrestled it, and actually got it onto his motorbike.

But then the snake decided to turn on his captor. He wrapped his body around Zaim and squeezed him to death.

Be Patient With Lava Lamps


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24-year-old Philip was found dead in his home in Washington with burnt bits of a lava lamp strewn all around him.

Philip thought his lava lamp wasn’t heating up fast enough, so he decided to heat it on his stove. His stove is a lot more powerful than the lava lamp’s little bulb. When the contents of the lava lamp overheated, they expanded and burst through the glass. One shard of glass flew right through Philip’s chest and into his heart.

A Woman Who Liked Feathers A Little Too Much


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A woman in her forties was climbing a coastal trail in the UK in 2009. There was fencing along the trail to keep people from falling off the path.

This lady sees a feather blow by and decides to climb the fence to get the feather. She followed that feather right off a cliff.

Never Take A Selfie With An Elephant


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Two men in Kenya decided that it was a good idea to take some selfies with a wild elephant. The men were actually touching the elephant’s face while they were taking the photos.

The elephant didn’t like this very much, so he trampled them to death. Photoshop would have been a safer option.

These Guys Obviously Didn’t Take The Hint From The Previous Story


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A similar story, only this time there are three elephants and three men. The men want a selfie with the elephants, but there are some bushes in the way of their perfect shot.

The decide to herd the elephants into a clearing. This is a stupid idea. The elephants took off running, the men took off running, and then one of the men got trampled by an angry elephant. Leave the elephants alone.