Being vegetarian or vegan is a lifestyle choice that’s not for the faint of heart. It involves a lot of passion, time, and commitment. There are many different reasons why people go veg or vegan, but they all have to deal with the ridicule from the rest of the world.
Bananas For Breakfast
Almost everyone has heard of the old wives’ tale that you can die from eating more than seven bananas. Apparently, if you eat more than seven, your body can overload on potassium. Anyone who has a vegan friend knows this can’t possibly be true.
They can have any fruit in the world, but they subside solely on bananas. The rest of us pack of granola bar or candy for a snack — they pack bananas.
Potatoes For Lunch
Potatoes are one of the few food items that make me believe I could be vegan. There is literally nothing bad about potatoes. I could get sick and tired of eating bananas every day, but potatoes are so versatile that they’ll never get old.
French fries, waffle fries, potato wedges, boiled, mashed, baked, scalloped, hash browns, home fries, roasted. I’ve never met a form of potato I didn’t like, and neither have vegans.
Hummus For Any And Every Other Time Of Day
Hummus originated from Middle Eastern and Mediterranean cuisine, so it’s no shock that the region consumes the most hummus in the world. However, vegans are giving them a run for their money. Vegans singlehandedly made the rest of us rethink the range of hummus.
Most of us assumed it was an appetizer dish or the little side you get when you order shawarma. Vegans will eat hummus for breakfast, lunch, and dinner if they can.
This Is The Last (Reusable) Straw
It’s difficult enough going through life not knowing where your next plant-based meal is going to come from because your little midwestern town doesn’t have any vegan restaurants. On top of that, veg lovers have to deal with the rest of the world constantly making fun of them. It looks like one vegan has finally snapped.
They may not seem intimidating, but anyone who can commit to eating hummus, bananas, and potatoes for life probably won’t go down easy in a fight.
“It’s More Than A Diet It’s A LIFESTYLE CHOICE”
The longstanding joke with vegans is that they can’t go five minutes without talking about it, but it’s not like the rest of the world makes it easy for them. All you need to say is “so why did you choose to become vegan,” and you’ve opened the floodgates.
Sometimes it can be as simple as “my dietician suggested it” or “I love animals” but most of the time, there’s a much more complex reason. So buckle up and enjoy the ride.
It Can be Hard To Choose Vegetables Over Oreos
Many of us assume that vegans are the healthiest people out there because they live off of fruits and vegetables, but vegans can be just as unhealthy as anyone else. A shocking amount of “junk food” is technically vegan, like Oreos, Skittles, and Sweet Chili Doritos.
We may eat a bag of regular Doritos for dinner, but vegans have the option to do to the exact same thing. If anything, it can be harder for them because more vegan meals require preparation.
Guess I’ll Just Wait Until I’m Home To Eat
Going out to eat is hit or miss for a vegan. Unless you live on the west coast, you’re probably out of luck when it comes to finding an all-vegan restaurant. Any other restaurant may have a lot of vegetarian options, but rarely will you end up with vegan substitutes.
Most likely, you’ll go out with friends and end up with a house salad, no dressing, and not a single lentil in sight.
The Waiter Better Not Be Lying
If you do end up at one of the lucky restaurants that are pretty sure one of their dishes can be veganized, then it’s a waiting game to see if they are telling the truth. It’s not uncommon for servers to think a dish is vegan and not realize that it’s not cooked in vegetable oil or that mayonnaise is hidden somewhere inside it.
The best option is to ask them to check with the kitchen and just hope that the 25-year-old line cook respects your vegan diet.
Grocery Shopping In A Rush Is Impossible
Any vegan who can get in and out of a grocery store in under ten minutes honestly deserves an award. Yes, you may have your go-to fruits, veggies, and packaged foods that you know for certain are vegan, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.
A big chunk of any grocery trip is reading the ingredient list on the back of products to find out it it’s as vegan as it claims to be.
This Adult Entertainment Must Be Plant-Based
Let’s take a moment to dissect this. First of all, who is spending their Thanksgiving weekend at a strip club? Nevertheless a vegan strip club? Also, what about the strip club makes it vegan? Are all the dancers vegan, or is the food and drink served all vegan? We need answers.
Finally, of course this would only happen in Portland. God bless the vegan community, but some of them just don’t know when to stop.
Vegans Are The Last Ones Who Can Afford A House
A lot of people think that eating vegan can be a hard hit on your wallet, but if you’re eating mostly fruits and vegetables, then it’s really not as bad as most people think. The tricky part is finding the produce that is cheap. Apples, bananas, and snap peas are the go to snacks for any cheap vegan.
If you’ve got a fancy job and are somehow in the market be able to afford a house, then you’re the high-class vegan who buys ten avocados a week.
One Wrong Pour And It’s All Over
Most vegans need to have faith in their local Starbucks barista. If they can remember Becky’s order of a grande four-pump vanilla latte with half 2% milk, half sweet cream, with light foam, a shot of espresso, and one inch of room at the top for non-fat whipped cream, then they can probably remember to sub regular milk for almond milk in yours, right? Wrong.
You’re better safe than sorry. If that means looking like the almond milk police every time you’re at Starbucks, then so be it.
Cauliflower Is Basically The Exact Same As Chicken, Right?
I think the problem that a lot of non-vegans have is that the vegans of the world keep trying to convince us that cauliflower tastes like chicken. Just because you breaded, fried, and tossed a chunk of cauliflower in buffalo sauce doesn’t give you the right to call them “vegan chicken wings.”
Cauliflower is delicious in its own right, so let’s call it what it is and stop trying to trick the meat eaters.
A McDic’s Meal The Vegans Can Finally Get Behind
Even though McDonald’s is know for the hamburgers, there are a surprising number of vegetarian and vegan friendly items on their menu. A bag of ice is definitely one of them, but vegans can also get fries, hash browns, and apple pies.
We know that eating fried potatoes and baked goods is not exactly the picture of health and wellness, but nothing at McDonald’s is. Now go and enjoy that sweet apple pie in peace.
It Looks Like No Vegetarians Were Harmed In Hurricane Harvey
There are two possible reasons why everything was left in the vegan section of this grocery store during Hurricane Harvey. The first is that the vegans are all surviving off of the stockpile of hummus in their basements.
The second, and more likely reason, is that Hurricane Harvey was focussed around Texas, and, well, there aren’t a lot of vegans there. For a state known for meat-eating, hunting, and barbecues, it’s surprising that the grocery store even had a vegan section.
RIP To All The Meat Eaters With Irritable Bowels
One interesting secret you learn quickly after switching to a plant-based diet is that your bathroom time changes significantly. Taking out animal products from your diet usually means increased bowel movement because vegans eat so much fiber.
Vegans know that without meat, they need to provide their body with protein, and that’s usually in the form of whole grains, legumes, nuts, and seeds. All of those items are packed with fiber, which makes your bathroom your new favorite room in the house.
That Had Better Be Vegan Fro-Yo
If you’re a meat-eater with a vegan friend, then you know that most vegans don’t hate you just because you don’t follow their diet. Some vegans do find it easier to be around people and date others who have the same ideals and diets.
But finding a life-partner who is also vegan can be hard when you realize that only 0.5% of the United States population is vegan. There might be tons of fish in the sea, but there are only about one million apples in the bushel.
Slow And Steady, They Will Prevail
A lot of people think that a vegan’s life goal is to convert everyone around them to eating like they do, but that’s not true. Vegans are human being who have more important things like jobs, friends, and family to worry about.
With all the time they have to spend each week prepping meals and reading ingredients, most of them could care less about trying to convince you to give up meat eating. They just want a restaurant option that’s not salad.
They’ve Seen Every Version Of A “Vegan Hotdog” That You Could Imagine
The funniest part about being vegan in a non-vegan world is what others consider to be veg-friendly. Regular hot dogs are already overly-processed, so veggie dogs are not that different.
Despite the fact that buying and grilling up a veggie dog is as easy as grilling meat ones, vegans have still received everything from a carrot on a bun to a plain hot dog bun with ketchup on it as their vegan barbecue option.
It’s More Than A Change Of Diet
Many non-vegans think it’s all about saving the animals, but in recent years, adopting a vegan diet has been more about helping save the environment. Livestock that is raised to be eaten emits an insane amount of greenhouse gasses.
The United Nations even estimated that greenhouse gasses emitted by livestock and the production is takes to raise them exceeds the greenhouses gasses from cars. If you care about the world, going vegan can change our environment for the better.